At the dinner table tonight...

"MOM! I have a peenus."

"You mean a weenie?"

"No, mom. I have a PEE-nus. Billy* has a peenus, too."

"WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?"

"Dolly*."

"Oh. Hmm..."

"Lisa* has a VAGINA."

"WHAT??"

"Yea, Lisa has a vagina. Faye* has a boo boo on her vagina."

<too soon>

* All names have been changed to protect the innocent. And the totally guilty teacher who ruined my awesome track record with WEENIE.

On the way up to bed...

"MOM! MOM! Look at THAT!"

<points at the Beggarstaff poster on the wall in the stairwell>

"What do you see, Huddy?"

"That man has a WEENIE! He's PEEIN' from his WEENIE!"

"Really, Hudson? I thought that was a woman in a black dress."

"NO! That man is peein' from his weenie. He has a weenie and ballsies!"

<all of the Browns laughing out loud>

"Well, Hudson. We'll never look at THAT the same again. Thanks a lot."

Formerly known as:
"The Lady with the Yellow Basket"