At the dinner table tonight...

"MOM! I have a peenus."

"You mean a weenie?"

"No, mom. I have a PEE-nus. Billy* has a peenus, too."

"WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?"

"Dolly*."

"Oh. Hmm..."

"Lisa* has a VAGINA."

"WHAT??"

"Yea, Lisa has a vagina. Faye* has a boo boo on her vagina."

<too soon>

* All names have been changed to protect the innocent. And the totally guilty teacher who ruined my awesome track record with WEENIE.

On the way up to bed...

"MOM! MOM! Look at THAT!"

<points at the Beggarstaff poster on the wall in the stairwell>

"What do you see, Huddy?"

"That man has a WEENIE! He's PEEIN' from his WEENIE!"

"Really, Hudson? I thought that was a woman in a black dress."

"NO! That man is peein' from his weenie. He has a weenie and ballsies!"

<all of the Browns laughing out loud>

"Well, Hudson. We'll never look at THAT the same again. Thanks a lot."

Formerly known as:
"The Lady with the Yellow Basket"

At Shelburne Farms Harvest Festival

"Huddy, look! They're milking a cow."

"Milk is coming out of that cow's bum, momma."

"Well... not exactly."

"Momma, look!"

"What do you see, Hud?"

"I see angry birds!"

"Um, Hudson? Those are regular birds. They're HAPPY birds."

<oy>

Pulling out of our spot after Friday night dinner...

<logan driving, car cuts us off>
"Thanks a LOT, asshole!"
"MOM! Daddy said thank you to that man."
"He did?"
"Yeah. A man is driving that car. Daddy said thank you."
<laughing>
"He DID say thank you, Huddy."
"That was nice, daddy. You're nice."

At bedtime tonight...

"Hey, Huddy, should we read the book that Uncle Scott and MF gave you?"
"Which book?"
"This book about poop."
"I want to poop on your face."
<sad look from mom>
"I sorry mom." <big fake smile>
<big real smile>

A souvenir from Yellowstone National Park.

In the bath with dad...

"Hey daaaaaaaad, I want to throw this toy boat at you!"

"You do?"

"Yeaaaaaaah!"

"Well, I want to throw a school bus!"

"No, dad. School bus is too big. Too heavy."

<genius>

Playful illustrations by a Maine mom.